Political .Unrest .Stabilizes .Society. Yeeeah

Wear Yo Hat Buried And Bald

A hat is the last line of defense between the black man and the weather
"Where`s my hat?
It`s a fact that the white man wants to keep you bald
We promise we will keep our heads covered...with any hat available."

Gotta keep your head covered and wear your hat
to avoid all the noise that destroys the black
or they take you out, one by one.
Basted, baded and done.
A nigger dead from exposure to the sun.
Victims of hostile elements.
Not so swell events.
Designed to keep the black irrelevant.

Hats in the ghetto streets decrease the blood shed
Hats in between the sheets and you won`t be dead
Hats that preach and teach decrease the knuckleheads
Hats dealing with the police and ya won`t get bled-
-son
Hey we ain`t done
Ice meets the heat with a bigger gun
Bustin caps that free the truth
wearin hats that save our youth
An while you busy drinkin forty and eightball
we takin a roll call to see who`s down to fight the white y`all

We ain`t stoppin
Steady clockin
My lid`s on tight so their knees keep knockin`
We be the niggas that pull all the triggas
takin no prisoners, raisin casualty figures
Dressed for the battle but not fatigued
My hats made of metal to avoid debris
Yo gee they stole the kangol right off my head
better grab a fedora instead

It`s genocide the way they be snubbin ya
grab a brim babushka or yarmulke
Yo gee what about a bonnet
it really don`t matter just put a lid on it
Cause they want more than to see you fall
they want to keep a brother buried and bald

Don`t wear a toupee cause that`s assimilation
Don`t say it`s okay that`s oral masturbation
Hats offer inclosure from deadly exposure
of sucker imposers ready to close your Coffin
and lower you down black
bald buried and beaten into a pre-dug track
that`s whack- the way they dis the black
how can a brother complain when we don`t fight back?

It ain`t hate cause we retaliate
with the gat in my hands and the hat on my pate

See back in the day out in the fields they kept us
exposed to the rays, without no shields they left us
Without a hat we wuz exposed
without a hat we wuz sunstroked
The African sun was pure and good
never needed a hat just brotherhood
But the good old days are a brothers worst enemy
tell me stay bald I say it ain`t me
Look in my eyes and you`ll realize
these ain`t lies I wouldn`t lead you wrong
Get wit the facts as I chart the stats
cold kick the hats make the black grow strong
Time to make the change
gotta cover my brain
start dealin the pain
to those who`d keep me in chains
Cause they want more than just to see you fall
they wanna keep a brother buried and bald

My Peanuts

Well they`re low cholesterol and high protein
hotter than a Mexican jumping bean
Have em dry roasted or vacuum packed
my peanuts come alive when you open that sack
Smoother than jiff, and fresher than planters
my peanuts exceed all standards
Def enough to knock you to your knees
and even planters don`t crack no nuts like these
My peanuts!

Well they rock they top they hit the spot
open a can and gobble em up
They`re ready for action, the girls do snatch em
sure to give you some satisfaction
So let`s not squibble they sure ain`t little
Deffer than any ole peanut brittle
An if you wanna chill no need to get ill
my peanuts give you a thrill
Like mickey dees my peanuts an me
were tasty eating from sea to sea
My peanuts!

My nuts stand tall they never fall
Ripe and yes always on the ball
FDA fresh and they are the best
A winner of every damn taste test
Eat em for pleasure or at your leisure
a taste that all the girls do treasure
Never illin but chillin
Never stealin but dealin
my peanuts are what you`re feelin
I take em to the beach, I take em to the park
I takem to your mothers house after dark
They ain`t like no nuts from Jimmy Carter
I know my nuts rock you harder
My peanuts!

I met a home girl from around the way
she saw my peanuts and wanted to play
She said can I hold your peanuts inside my hand
I said be careful cause they`re in demand
I took my peanuts outta the sack
her hand started movin up, down and back
She squeezed too hard, I said oh brother
it looks like you made peanut butter
Next time I jam her
I think I am a gonna talk a little bout my banana
Banana and nuts, banana and nuts
I`m gonna give you some banana an nuts
Banana an nuts banana an nuts
I think you need my banana an nuts

Always classy, never trashy, always flashy, never rashy, always tasty, never hasty, always racy, never pasty
You know nothin will come between us, unless of course it is-
(What is it?)
My peanuts!

This girl was yellin my head was swellin
What she was sayin there ain`t no tellin
I needed something to quiet her down
and my peanuts was all I found
I baked em I shaked em and then she taked em
Soon all was quiet in the house
because my peanuts were in her mouth
Like M&M`s you understand
they melt in your mouth and not in your hand
My peanuts have the fame my peanuts have the glory
my peanuts will invade your territory
My peanuts!

I`ll tell ya a little story bout a man named mel
Keep his peanuts inside the shell
Then one day he got hungry for some food
He ate his own peanuts now ain`t that rude?
(Dry roasted, vacuum packed, on a half shell, don`t tell Granny)
A girl who looked much better than bad
took my peanuts from inside my bag
Tasted them and then said I had salt peanuts, salt peanuts
My peanuts always rise to any occasion
My peanuts can handle any social situation

I met a home girl from Albuquerque
who ate my peanuts with her turkey
I know this song is kinda long
I guess I have ta go and I`ll be gone
Bust this beat just one more time
cause I think I have just one more rhyme

Have my peanuts and a diet coke
My peanuts and a little joke
My peanuts and some hog jowls
My peanuts and some candied yams

Ice Froggy Frog

From the depths of the pond back to the top
ice froggy frog jumpin and I got the drop
git so low in the grass, tadpoles will sing
long reach to the spot where my tongue will fling

Hippin and hoppin hoppin and hippin but don`t your sleep,
nine four-zay`s the ye zear for me to buck up the sheets
and I ain`t holdin` nothin` back and
I`m bout to yank nine from my gunny sack

It`s like that and as a matter of fact, (fling your tongue fast)
cause I never hesitate to give a dragonfly a smack.

Yeah, so jump through the sands a bit,
you see that it`s a must we hop logs n` sit
What`s my name fool?
Chorus
Ice froggy frog. Ice froggy frog.

It`s the frog to the log, hippin and hoppin.
Ribbit in all an` ice froggy frog in the middle of the pond.
Like every day, amphibian slippin in all the way, like I said
none of ya`ll can hip to this and none of ya`ll can hop to that
flies that I drop and you know I don`t
stop, mister 187 on a CB 4 plot.

Hip hop, not wit a glock just some rocks and a shock
ever call me kermit and you'll feel that blood loss.
and I spring through the bog and I bounce through the fog
cause I`m ice froggy froggy froggy frog!!!
Chorus
Croak croak croak ribbit croak ribbit croak Croak croak croak ribbit croak ribbit croak

Now just flick your tongue way up in the air and lap it
all around like it all around till you taste that tail
yeah, roll up the plank and walk the length, you in the drank
why? Cause froggy`s on the bank

My croaker sacks all swoll
my skins is mean green and now I`m on a roll, so flow
With the frog pond right behind me and up in your toad is
where you might find me slingin` and swingin` that swamp thing

She wants the frog with the croaker sack, so jump back
polly gets what polly-wogs, the frog with the biggest log
What`s my name fool?
Chorus
Croak croak croak ribbit croak ribbit croak Croak croak croak ribbit croak ribbit croak

Im Just A Human

You are just like me
I`m just a human
I am just like you
I`m just a human
We all stand or sit when we pee
I`m just a human just a human being
When I doo-doo is my shit not brown
it`s a universal thing we all flush it down
And when you wipe do you look at the tissue
most folks do, it ain`t even an issue
Hot stuff makes it burn comin out
I bet everyone knows what I`m talkin about
Cause we are all one race on this planet
we all burp and fart, and that`s the way God planned it
So don`t act like your superior
eat something bad an just like me you`ll get diarrhea
Cause black, white, yellow, red, brown or gold
our shit all comes from the same little hole

You are just like me
I`m just a human
I am just like you
I`m just a human
We all stand or sit when we pee
I`m just a human just a human being

Like most humans in my car I pick my nose
we`ve all mined a rock or two I`d suppose
The nose might be white when you reach to clean
but red, yellow, brown or black the booger`s still green
An sometimes it`s anchored to some snot
that hangs from your nose, and you`re afraid it`s gonna drop
So you catch it in your hand and hope no one realizes
you`ve got mucous on your hand while your driving
So you look for a place to try and hide it
you open up your mouth, and there you slide it
But it ain`t really much for you to worry about
cause you won`t be first or last to put a booger in your mouth

You are just like me
I`m just a human
I am just like you
I`m just a human
We all stand or sit when we pee
I`m just a human
Just a human being

Sometimes I smell the lint from my belly button
how could somethin so small make a stench so rotten
At night there`s always jam between my toes
sometimes I pull it out, and that`s the way it goes
When I`m alone I`ll take a leak in the shower
I bet you do it too, it`s only water
I pick sleep from my eyes and wax from my ears
I rub the goo between my fingers and I watch it disappear
It might sound gross to you
but these are the things we all do
So shake hands with your fellow man but first
make sure he`s washed his hands

You are just like me
I`m just a human
I am just like you
I`m just a human
We all stand or sit when we pee
I`m just a human
Just a human being

Guerrillas In The Midst

Guerrillas in the midst of a race riot
Say it ain`t black or white but I ain`t dumb and don`t buy it
Talkin` about a time to heal
But step to it, Time for you to get real

We can`t do it
We were lookin for healin in the court see
Out in the valley of the seemi
But a black man gets no justice
Cause the kangaroo court don`t trust us

Wasn`t the first and won`t be the last
brothers gotta move to get that ass
Plead your case to the court but they don`t see you and me
Verdict by a punk assed jury opened up a black man`s fury

Now see me jack you in the valley
Now see me take you in the alley
Now see me pull you out the truck
Now see me I don`t give a fuck
Now see me burn this shit down
Now see my hatred shape this town

Guerrillas in the midst
Guerrillas in the midst

Guerrillas in the midst of a sequel
gonna rock make it real gonna go until we treated equal
An I`m runnin with a set that`s a threat
and you bet we lookin for payment on the debt
Ain`t lookin for a handout looking for a way out
before a nigga gets played out
In the hood where the cops do lie
they`d rather see a nigga just die
See the fear in their eyes when they realize
how a brother gets wise and he starts to rise

Up from the bottom of the heap we creep
squeak, peep breakin through the concrete
Tired of livin in an occupied state
other motherfuckers decidin our fate

Now see me jack you in the valley
Now see me take you in the alley
Now see me pull you out the truck
Now see me I don`t give a fuck
Now see me burn this shit down
Now see me terrorize this town
Guerrillas in the midst
Guerrillas in the midst
Guerrillas in the midst
Guerrillas in the midst

Guerrillas in the midst of a concrete jungle
pretty soon we gonna tunnel
Out of the city ain`t lookin for pity
from another committee we about to get busy
Cause memories fade every damn decade
more promises made ann the past gets replayed

Ya`ll forget about all the shit you talked about
once again we get blocked out
People say violence ain`t justified
stay silent when a nigga gets crucified
So let`s go, you know, toe to toe on the floor
see em rock and watch us roll
heads down the street as we defeat the elite
those that lead become obsolete

Now see me jack you in the valley
Now see me take you in the alley
Now see me pull you out the truck
Now see me I don`t give a fuck
Now see me burn this shit down
Now see me terrorize this town

Granny Says Kick Yo Black Ass

Yeah suckers it`s me
the tiddly tiddly "T"
Servin up dynamite and
strikin` like a cobra at the foot of your bed
it`s over when I leave you for dead

Ice melts when the "T" gets hot
Ice cracks when the "T" does rock
Gonna hit you so hard you scream
how could a little nigga be so mean
I`m ready to blast like a megation
I`m strong I last for millenniums
You`re gonna feel stress when you mess
with the best the one and only taste "T" yes

Power packed like t-n-t
when I rock you get no relief
From the barrage of rhymes I`m droppin
on your head and the ammo ain`t stoppin
Packed, stacked, tracks that ain`t ever whack
and I ain`t jacked, sucka step to the back
It`s not a game when the T attacks you
you so weak I could just bitch slap you

I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass
I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass

My foot is ready to fly like a government stealth-G
I`m hazardous to your health
Got your butt in the bulls-eye
and my leather boots ready to fly
Direct to the center of the most soft tissue
so far up in you that you`re gonna wish
you never ever heard my name
never ever tried my game
It ain`t murder it ain`t homicide
but when you fuck with me its sheer suicide

When my foot goes in that posterior
you`ll taste it in your mouth`s interior
Cause this is the way I play
sucka punks get outta my way

I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass
I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass

Don`t know what you get
when you mess with this kid
G- tell em, don`t even make a bid
Cause I see red
leavin other poot butt suckers cold left for dead

An now I`m aimin at you
callin you out, so what you gonna do
You weak wanna be hard
booty wipe punk
gonna step to me and talk that junk
And G you`re dealin with a man
and you`re gonna stand like a punk
with your meat in your hand

Time for you to get nervous
cause I`m impervious to the pain that battle serves us
Tastey-taste will go to the top
Tastey taste will always rock
Tastey T will go to the battle
killin more fools than mickey dees kills cattle

I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass
I`m gonna kick your black ass
Granny says kick your black ass

Grab Yo Stuff

People ask why I walk this way
protection first is all I say
I got it they want it
believe it, they`ll steal it
Some of them punks just want to feel it
When they see me grip with both hands
it`s a black thing they don`t understand

It`s true they want to take it all
so before they rip you ball for ball
Cup your hand and cover up
NWH say grab your stuff

Chorus
Grab it, you gotta grab it
Grab it
Grab it, you gotta grab it
Grab it
You gotta grab your stuff

Four hundred years and it ain`t enuff
Suckers still tryin` to take our stuff
Stealin it, swipin it, rippin it, bitin it
they can`t grow it so punks try to heist it

NWH ain`t down with that
gotta look out for the black
When they start going for the family jewels
protect that gear by whatever tools
Cup your hand and cover up
Nwh say, grab your stuff

Chorus

Ladies this involves you too
stand by the man that stands by you
Help him, love him, need him, believe him
Plenty of others will try to defeat him

If your man is wit you
let no other make issue
When they try to take him down
you can keep him off the ground
Lend a hand and lift him up
NWH say, grab your stuff

White Cops On Dope

Me an my boyz creepin in the nighttime
roll the blvd. peep the ronies with the phat behinds
But we can`t get even kick it and relax for a bit
cause the local five-o wants to start some shit

They`re white cops on coke
jackin boyz in the neighborhood
kick your ass cause you`re black but not broke
They`ll steal the evidence for their own home use

White cops on coke
White cops on coke
White cops on coke

Why they have to bring their ass to the ghetto
don`t they have some place like semi valley they could go
Stopped me and said they`d treat me like a king
beat me with night stick, and tazed me with some string

They`re white cops on dope
jackin boyz in the neighborhood
kick your ass cause your black with some hope
Searched my nuts, and looked in my butt

White cops on coke
White cops on coke
White cops on coke

Sadistic punks that can`t get none without a badge
take away their guns they ain`t nuthin but fags
Arrest you for the product but then what they do
turn around and sell it for a profit on you

They`re white punks on coke
Jackin boyz in the neighborhood
kick your ass cause your black but not broke
Can`t trust em, cause they ain`t no good
White cops on dope
White cops on dope
White cops on dope

BOOTY JUICE

NWH is in the house
to tell you punk little suckers what it's all about
When it comes to butts we are the masters
Ain't a butt with a kitty in front gettin past us
But there's a part of the butt that we want to introduce
it's nasty and wet and it's called booty juice

Chorus
That booty juice, juice, juice
That booty juice, juice, juice

Booty juice comes right from the source
Whats the source an ass of curse
The kind that spreads out extra wide
The kind that's nice when you come inside.
It's fresh an meaty all pasturized
But I always rise when I tap the thighs
'Cause I like'm big , I like'm greasy
I like'm round and I like'm easy
I like'm when the girls steps on the floor
Shake'n them booties just like a ho
I like it when it shakes in the pants so loose
but I love it when it's drippin -- that booty juice

Chorus

When booty juice falls gotta go for yours
When it's really wet you gotta mop the floor
When I look fine fade to dance
I make my decision by the shape of her pants
Cause the bigger the butt, the bigger the shake
the bigger the shake, the more it's gonna make that booty juice
Ain't made by hand but yes it does come from a can
Pop it open and take a sip careful not to catch you lip
In a can is where the river runs and quench your thirst between those buns

Chorus

See I like the fit with the nasty ass
the kind that hums when the shit goes past
Grab a cheek when the girl goes by
slap it hard make the booty juice fly
Yo baby doll pull down those tight draws
when your butt expands it'll slap the walls
I'll grab it from front and from behind
we'll do the nasty and do the grind
slip and slide all over the sheets
cause booty juice is just like grease
Buck so hard that your butt gets wet
put that ass in full effect
Take off those draws, take off that lace
have a seat on my face and let me taste
That booty juice

Chorus

COME PET THE PUSSY

Come and pet the pussy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Come and pet the pussy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Political unrest stabilizes society yes
and I must confess
When you step to it, step to it hard
it'll open up so don't bogart
The p- the u- the s- and another s- y
pet it and you will decide
The fate of this entire nation
when it comes you'll get total elation
Step to the l.i.p.s
pucker up and press
Your lips to the lips of the funk between the hips
Naw, this ain't no dis
Time to stand erect and gain entry
to the richness that waits within see
We gotta work hard if we wanna groove it
and I'm in it to win it so let's do it

Come and pet the pussy
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Some gonna try to lock you out
but you take the time to knock it out
It's our job to educate, infiltrate or shread em
so come on let's spread em
Wide and to the side some
and see the i.c.e plant ride on
The political unrest tip so get hip
put up or shut up and give the lip
The service that it needs rock
steady and hard and feel the squeeze
Of the country as it comes to my rhythm
The rebellious hardcore groove that hits em
This is the jam that lubricates
the revolution we instigate
Insertion take them to another level
Pet the pussy and you're that rebel

Come and pet the pussy
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Don't fight the might of this political statement
take it for what it is, and it'll make sense
The way the words hit your ears
the meaning's changed to get the cheers
Of those who want to see
across the board equality the role of law should be
Not to try to hold another man down
so step up, let's change this town

Political unrest stabilizes society yes
and this ain't no test
Gotta tear it down, to build it up
from the ground floor or else your stuck
In the same ole situation
so bust it, make change your occupation
Time to move so don't lie
you know you gotta step to the p-u-s-s-y

Come and get the pussy
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, I say,
Come and pet the pussy

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the misbehaving that was going on. So he called one of his angels to go to Earth for a time.

When he returned, the angel told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion'

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'

God was not pleased. So he decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.



Do you know what the e-mail said?


No?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.

.

.

.









Okay, just checking with you. I didn't get one either...

Soon we shall plunge into the cold darkness;
Farewell, vivid brightness of our short-lived summers!
Already I hear the dismal sound of firewood
Falling with a clatter on the courtyard pavements.

MASTERED BY MUPPETS

End of session day, Rubin works away:
I'm your source of song-destruction
Tunes that hurt you ear, poor sound engineer
Leaving spikes on my instruction
Trust me you will see
Volumes all you need
Dedicated to
How I'll limit you

Compressing faster
Limit your Master
Your albums sell faster
With a loud Master
Master

Mastered by muppets, brickwalling your dreams
Clipping, distorting and smashing extremes
Ruined by me, you can't hear a thing
Just spiking snares, and auto-tuned screams
Mastered
Mastered
Rubins my name, and I'll hear you scream
Bastard
Bastard

Need to mix this way, never you dismay
Loud makes death magnetic clearer
Gain monopoly, ritual Waves L3
Squash your tracks til its severe
Gate and you will see
More and more dB
Dedicated to
How Im killing you

Compressing faster
Limit your Master
Your albums sell faster
With a loud Master
Master

Mastered by muppets, brickwalling your dreams
Clipping, distorting and smashing extremes
Ruined by me, you can't hear a thing
Just spiking snares, and auto-tuned screams
Mastered
Mastered
Rubins my name, and I'll hear you scream
Bastard
Bastard

Master, Master, where's the version I've been after?
Bearded, Bastard, you promised only lies
Blaster, Blaster, recorded on a ghetto blaster?
Laughter, laughter, laughing at those highs
Spike to me!

Lars aint worth all that natural kick and hats
Kirk adds wah without a reason
Never ending phrase, Jaymz goes on for days
Rob, your shirt is out of season
Ill record til 5 (then)
I will help you buy
Sandals that suit you
Now you look cool too

Kingofsorrow

He’s a prince of lassitude
a king of sorrow
and he sits on his throne
and looks out at tomorrow
my love for you is a journey
if you stop and remember
starting at forever
and ending at never
to live is to be
a slave to pain
and the music is the love,
the life-blood in my veins
generally quiet by nature, a loner
from the island of trinidad
but my love for the geisha, Hikaru
is driving me mad
I want to find communion
like samurai sex
I’m a king of sorrow,
what do you expect?
as I sing out my sorrow
as I sing out my pain
as I sing out the music
flowing through my veins
I sing out my sorrow
like my blood-tears that glisten
and I wonder if Hikaru
is listening.

don't find love, let love find you.
that's why it's called falling in love,
because you don't force yourself to fall.
you just fall.

Brave Mountain Lion Fends Off Group Of Hikers

EUREKA, CA—A local mountain lion came face-to-face with a group of hikers and made it out alive, sources reported Monday. Wildlife officials are crediting the courageous cougar's quick thinking, catlike reflexes, and 150 pounds of coiled muscle with successfully fending off the human foot travelers.
The quick-thinking cougar managed to escape by going for his attackers' vulnerable torsos.
The mountain lion was reportedly enjoying a quiet afternoon walk around Redwood National Park, on the same path it had taken almost every single day for the past three years, when it heard a rustling sound emanating from the underbrush. Upon investigation, the large feline noticed that a pack of hikers—one adult male, two young children, and an adult female that it instantly recognized as the mother—had crossed into territory that the cat had clearly marked as its own via tree scrapings and urine.

Outnumbered four to one, the cougar, fearing for its life, somehow managed to stay calm. It remained perfectly still in a crouched position and stared directly at the hikers, in the hopes that they would simply pass by. The hikers, however, were undeterred. They began shrieking loudly, clapping their hands, and throwing sticks and rocks at the animal in an apparent attempt to injure it.

"Nothing can prepare a mountain lion for an encounter with four hikers," said park ranger Kenneth Meiggs, noting that it is unusual to find hikers in that particular area of the woods. "In order to defend itself, the cougar had to rely on pure instinct alone."

Armed with nothing more than four-inch claws, razor-sharp teeth, and a 5.4-meter vertical leap, the mountain lion lunged at the adult male hiker. In a defensive measure, it pinned the hiker to the ground, thus disabling the man's primary means of attack. After a brief struggle, the animal was eventually able to lock onto the hiker's skull with its jaw.

"Repeated biting of the skull and face is the textbook way to fend off a human attack," said Mike Kasperski, biologist and author of the book Hikers: Shadows In The Forest.

The mother, however, became increasingly aggressive due to the presence of her young. She reportedly ran toward the mountain lion with a four-inch-wide log and began striking it upon the head. Not knowing what else to do, the feline tore a foot-wide hole in the hiker's stomach, but the enraged female continued to fight, poking the feline in the eye with her finger. The cougar, in a last-ditch effort for survival, whipped its claws across the woman's throat, killing her instantly.

Remarkably, this brave mountain lion is only 4 and a half years old.

"It's amazing what some mountain lions are capable of when faced with the most dire of circumstances," Meiggs said. "To think that those hikers were a mere 20 yards away, and the lion walked away unscathed…. Wow."

The two younger hikers received small lacerations on their legs and chest, while the adult male is being treated for massive head trauma and internal bleeding. The mother, identified as Cyndi Thalls, 38, of Pacoima, CA, was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I think it's safe to say those hikers will think twice before getting into another tussle with this feisty little fellow," Meiggs added with a chuckle.

Following the incident, the mountain lion retreated into the woods, escaping with nothing more than a few minor scratches and a blood-covered snout. At press time, it is resting comfortably on a large rock

I've never talked about this before, but I really need peoples advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been cheating on me.
The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My girlfriend has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike , that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Subject: 5 Minute Management Course




Lesson 1:



A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.



The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.



When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.



Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'



After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.



The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.



When s he gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'



'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.



'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'



Moral of the story:



If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:



A priest offered a Nun a lift.



She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.



The priest nearly had an accident.



After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.



The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'



The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.



The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'



The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'



Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.



On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'



Moral of the story:



If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Lesson 3:



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.



They rub it and a Genie comes out.



The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'



'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in theBahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'



Puff! She's gone.



'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'



Puff! He's gone.



'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.



The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'



Moral of the story:



Always let your boss have the first say.



Lesson 4



An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.



A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'



The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'



So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.



Moral of the story:



To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson 5



A turkey was chatting with a bull.



'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'



'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'



The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.



The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.



Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.



He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.



Moral of the story:



Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...



Lesson 6



A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.



While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.



As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.



The dung was actually thawing him out!



He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.



A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.



Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.



Morals of the story:



(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.



(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.



(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!



THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

__________________

Remarks of Senator Barack Obama
"The American Promise"
Democratic National Convention
August 28, 2008
Denver, Colorado

As prepared for delivery

----

To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation;

With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.
.
Let me express my thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me on this journey, and especially the one who traveled the farthest - a champion for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and to yours -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. To President Clinton, who last night made the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden, I thank you. I am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he still takes home every night.

To the love of my life, our next First Lady, Michelle Obama, and to Sasha and Malia - I love you so much, and I'm so proud of all of you.

Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story - of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren't well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.

It is that promise that has always set this country apart - that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.

That's why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women - students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors -- found the courage to keep it alive.

We meet at one of those defining moments - a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.

Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can't afford to drive, credit card bills you can't afford to pay, and tuition that's beyond your reach.

These challenges are not all of government's making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.

America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.

This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.

This country is more generous than one where a man in Indiana has to pack up the equipment he's worked on for twenty years and watch it shipped off to China, and then chokes up as he explains how he felt like a failure when he went home to tell his family the news.

We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.

Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land - enough! This moment - this election - is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."

Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect. And next week, we'll also hear about those occasions when he's broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.

But the record's clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than ninety percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.

The truth is, on issue after issue that would make a difference in your lives - on health care and education and the economy - Senator McCain has been anything but independent. He said that our economy has made "great progress" under this President. He said that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. And when one of his chief advisors - the man who wrote his economic plan - was talking about the anxiety Americans are feeling, he said that we were just suffering from a "mental recession," and that we've become, and I quote, "a nation of whiners."

A nation of whiners? Tell that to the proud auto workers at a Michigan plant who, after they found out it was closing, kept showing up every day and working as hard as ever, because they knew there were people who counted on the brakes that they made. Tell that to the military families who shoulder their burdens silently as they watch their loved ones leave for their third or fourth or fifth tour of duty. These are not whiners. They work hard and give back and keep going without complaint. These are the Americans that I know.

Now, I don't believe that Senator McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than one hundred million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people's benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?

It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.

For over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy - give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is - you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. No health care? The market will fix it. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps - even if you don't have boots. You're on your own.

Well it's time for them to own their failure. It's time for us to change America.

You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.

We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put a little extra money away at the end of each month so you can someday watch your child receive her college diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President - when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.

We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job - an economy that honors the dignity of work.

The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great - a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.

Because in the faces of those young veterans who come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I see my grandfather, who signed up after Pearl Harbor, marched in Patton's Army, and was rewarded by a grateful nation with the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.

In the face of that young student who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree; who once turned to food stamps but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.

When I listen to another worker tell me that his factory has shut down, I remember all those men and women on the South Side of Chicago who I stood by and fought for two decades ago after the local steel plant closed.

And when I hear a woman talk about the difficulties of starting her own business, I think about my grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle-management, despite years of being passed over for promotions because she was a woman. She's the one who taught me about hard work. She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she's watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.

I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes. Theirs are the stories that shaped me. And it is on their behalf that I intend to win this election and keep our promise alive as President of the United States.

What is that promise?

It's a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.

It's a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.

Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves - protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.

Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work.

That's the promise of America - the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper.

That's the promise we need to keep. That's the change we need right now. So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am President.
.
Change means a tax code that doesn't reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.

Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.

I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.

I will cut taxes - cut taxes - for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.

And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East.

Washington's been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them. In that time, he's said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office.

Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close.

As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I'll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I'll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I'll invest 150 billion dollars over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy - wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can't ever be outsourced.

America, now is not the time for small plans.

Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education, because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy. Michelle and I are only here tonight because we were given a chance at an education. And I will not settle for an America where some kids don't have that chance. I'll invest in early childhood education. I'll recruit an army of new teachers, and pay them higher salaries and give them more support. And in exchange, I'll ask for higher standards and more accountability. And we will keep our promise to every young American - if you commit to serving your community or your country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.

Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single American. If you have health care, my plan will lower your premiums. If you don't, you'll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves. And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.

Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in America should have to choose between keeping their jobs and caring for a sick child or ailing parent.

Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.

And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day's work, because I want my daughters to have exactly the same opportunities as your sons.

Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I've laid out how I'll pay for every dime - by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don't help America grow. But I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work and making the ones we do need work better and cost less - because we cannot meet twenty-first century challenges with a twentieth century bureaucracy.

And Democrats, we must also admit that fulfilling America's promise will require more than just money. It will require a renewed sense of responsibility from each of us to recover what John F. Kennedy called our "intellectual and moral strength." Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility for providing the love and guidance their children need.

Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility - that's the essence of America's promise.

And just as we keep our keep our promise to the next generation here at home, so must we keep America's promise abroad. If John McCain wants to have a debate about who has the temperament, and judgment, to serve as the next Commander-in-Chief, that's a debate I'm ready to have.

For while Senator McCain was turning his sights to Iraq just days after 9/11, I stood up and opposed this war, knowing that it would distract us from the real threats we face. When John McCain said we could just "muddle through" in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights. John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell - but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.

And today, as my call for a time frame to remove our troops from Iraq has been echoed by the Iraqi government and even the Bush Administration, even after we learned that Iraq has a $79 billion surplus while we're wallowing in deficits, John McCain stands alone in his stubborn refusal to end a misguided war.

That's not the judgment we need. That won't keep America safe. We need a President who can face the threats of the future, not keep grasping at the ideas of the past.

You don't defeat a terrorist network that operates in eighty countries by occupying Iraq. You don't protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can't truly stand up for Georgia when you've strained our oldest alliances. If John McCain wants to follow George Bush with more tough talk and bad strategy, that is his choice - but it is not the change we need.

We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans - have built, and we are here to restore that legacy.

As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm's way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.

I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and curb Russian aggression. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.

These are the policies I will pursue. And in the weeks ahead, I look forward to debating them with John McCain.

But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism.

The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America.

So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.

America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can't just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose - our sense of higher purpose. And that's what we have to restore.

We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

You make a big election about small things.

And you know what - it's worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.

I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.

For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.

America, this is one of those moments.

I believe that as hard as it will be, the change we need is coming. Because I've seen it. Because I've lived it. I've seen it in Illinois, when we provided health care to more children and moved more families from welfare to work. I've seen it in Washington, when we worked across party lines to open up government and hold lobbyists more accountable, to give better care for our veterans and keep nuclear weapons out of terrorist hands.

And I've seen it in this campaign. In the young people who voted for the first time, and in those who got involved again after a very long time. In the Republicans who never thought they'd pick up a Democratic ballot, but did. I've seen it in the workers who would rather cut their hours back a day than see their friends lose their jobs, in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb, in the good neighbors who take a stranger in when a hurricane strikes and the floodwaters rise.

This country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that's not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.

Instead, it is that American spirit - that American promise - that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.

That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours - a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.

And it is that promise that forty five years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.

The men and women who gathered there could've heard many things. They could've heard words of anger and discord. They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.

But what the people heard instead - people of every creed and color, from every walk of life - is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.

"We cannot walk alone," the preacher cried. "And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back."

America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.

Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.