A New Sith, or Revenge of the Hope
Reconsidering Star Wars IV in the light of I-III

If we accept all the Star Wars films as the same canon, then a lot that happens in the original films has to be reinterpreted in the light of the prequels. As we now know, the rebel Alliance was founded by Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Bail Organa. What can readily be deduced is that their first recruit, who soon became their top field agent, was R2-D2.

Consider: at the end of RotS, Bail Organan orders 3PO's memory wiped but not R2's. He wouldn't make the distinction casually. Both droids know that Yoda and Obi-Wan are alive and are plotting sedition with the Senator from Alderaan. They know that Amidala survived long enough to have twins and could easily deduce where they went. However, R2 must make an impassioned speech to the effect that he is far more use to them with his mind intact: he has observed Palpatine and Anakin at close quarters for many years, knows much that is useful and is one of the galaxy's top experts at hacking into other people's systems. Also he can lie through his teeth with a straight face. Organa, in immediate need of espionage resources, agrees.

For the next 20 years, as far as 3PO knows, he is the property of Captain Antilles, doing protocol duties on a diplomatic transport. He is vaguely aware of the existence of the princess but doesn't know much about her. Wherever 3PO goes, being as loud and obvious as he always is, his unobtrusive little counterpart goes with him. 3PO is R2's front man. Wherever they land, R2 is passing messages between rebel sympathisers and sizing up governments as potential rebel recruits - both by personal contact and by hacking into their networks. He passes his recommendations on to Organa.

Yoda is out of the picture by this stage, using the Force-infused swamps of Dagobah to hide himself from Vader and the Emperor. Or something. He is meditating on the future and keeping in touch with Obi-Wan via the ghost of Qui-Gon Jin, which as comm systems go has the virtue of being untappable. Obi-Wan, on Tattoine, keeps in touch with Bail Organa and the other Rebel leaders by courier, of which more later.

As Star Wars opens, R2 is rushing the Death Star plans to the Rebellion. R2, not Leia. The plans are always in R2. What Leia puts into him in the early scene is only her own holographic message to Kenobi. Leia's own mission, as she says in the holographic message, is to pick up Obi-Wan and take him to Alderaan - or so she thinks. Actually, her father just wants her to meet Kenobi, which up to this point she never has. There's a reason for that.

Obi-Wan has spent the last 20 years in the Tattoine desert, keeping watch over Luke Skywalker and trying to decide on one of the three available options:
A) If Luke shows no significant access to the Force, then leave him alone in obscurity
B) If Luke shows real Force ability, then consider recruiting him as a Jedi. The rebellion needs Jedi. Now.
But, if Luke shows any signs of turning out like his father, then C) sneak into his house one fine night and chop his head off. With great regret but it'll save a lot of trouble later on.
Knowing this to be the case, Bail Organa (perhaps at the insistence of his wife) has found excuses not to send Leia to Ben for assessment of Jedi potential, largely for fear of option C.

To be fair to all concerned, Leia has shown no overt signs of a link to the Force. Luke on the other hand has. In his home-built hotrod aircraft, with no formal fighter pilot training and no decent instrumentation, Luke can regularly score centre-hits on 2-metre targets in complicated zero-altitude maneouvres. Until he attends the briefing on Yavin, Luke has no way of knowing that hardened combat pilots would consider that nearly impossible. To him it's easy. Obi-Wan, who saw Anakin's performance in the Pod Race, is nervous.

Much of Obi-Wan's behaviour in this film, and Yoda's in the next, can best be understood if they are frankly scared to death of what Luke might become. (Ben is also scared that he himself will make all the same mistakes he made with Anakin.)

Now, with the existence of the rebellion at stake, Bail Organa has finally told Leia to go see Obi-Wan and has sent her along with R2. The original plan would then be for Obi-Wan (with optional Luke and/or Leia in tow) to leave his exile and take the Death Star plans to Yavin, where they can be put to use. R2 (with Leia if Ben doesn't want to take her) would then carry on to Alderaan to maintain the cover story. The original plan does not survive contact with a large Imperial Star Destroyer.

R2 and 3PO bail out in an escape pod, landing in vaguely the right area of Tattoine, where R2's first priority is transport. He arranges to be captured by a group of Jawas and, once on board their transport, he makes a deal with them (possibly using emergency funds stored about his person) to take him where he wants to go. The Jawas refuse to go directly to Kenobi for fear of marauding Sandpeople but they agree to R2's second request : transport to the Skywalker farm. They even get to keep the purchase price if they can sell R2 and 3PO there. The Jawas shake on it and go through with the plan.

Seeing 3PO fail to recognise the farm where he worked for 10 years gives r2 a moment's amusement but, as soon as possible, he gets away and heads for Kenobi. Luke and 3PO follow, which may or may not have been part of the plan.

On first seeing R2, Obi-Wan has a twinkle in his eye and calls him "my little friend". Well, he is. However, when Luke wakes up and says that R2 claimed to be owned by an Obi-Wan Kenobi, he blandly says "I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid." Ben has in fact owned several but the remark is aimed at R2 and translates as "You keep quiet. I'm not about to tell him everything just yet." Obi-Wan thinks fast and tells Luke a version of his past that does not involve a father who became a dark lord of the Sith. He wants to examine Luke a lot more closely before he risks telling him the real truth.

Although the Death Star plans need to get to Yavin as soon as possible, Obi-Wan needs to make one more diversion first. If the Empire knows that Leia is a Rebel leader, then they also know about her father and the whole Organa family may need immediate evacuation. Fortunately, before coming to Tattoine, R2 had already arranged transport, which is waiting at Mos Eisley, under the command of the Rebellion's other chief field agent and espionage asset. Chewbacca.

20 years earlier, Chewbacca was second in command of the defence of his planet. He's there in the tactical conferences and there on the front lines and is a personal friend of Yoda's. When he needed reliable people to join the embryonic Alliance, who else would Yoda turn to but his old friend from Kashykk? Given his background, there is no way that Chewie would spend the crucial years of the rebellion as the second-in-command to (sorry Han) a low-level smuggler. Unless it's his cover. In fact, Chewie is a top-line spy and flies what is in many ways the Rebellion's best ship.

The Millenium Falcon may look like a beat-up old freighter but it can outrun any Imperial ship in normal space or hyperspace, hang in a firefight with a Star Destroyer or outmaneouvre a dozen top-of-the-line TIE fighters. It's a remarkable feat of engineering and must have cost a colossal fortune to build. How does Han come to own a ship like that? He only thinks he does, actually it's Chewie's. Half-way through RotS, we see the Falcon landing at the Senate building on Coruscant. If it's the same ship (which of course it is) then it was the personal transport of one of the senatorial delegations - a much more likely source to commission its design. That delegatino must have later joined the Rebellion and given it the use of the Falcon. In fact, if the delegation is the one from Kashykk, then the ship may have belonged to Chewbacca as early as RotS.

Han is Chewie's front man. It's much better, and safer for him, if he doesn't know what's really going on. Chewie used to work with Lando Calrissian in a similar way but Lando wanted to settle down, so Chewie arranged for him to lose the Falcon in a card game to Han Solo, an even better choice as partner. Han and Chewie's working method is pretty much what we see in the cantina scene: Chewie make the contacts and sets up the deals, then turns them over to Han who haggles over the price and gives the final yea or nay. This lets Chewie wander the seamy underside of the galaxy pretty much at will, making contacts, gathering and passing information with no-one was the wiser, especially not Han.

Chewie persuaded Han to do business with Jabba the Hutt so he could make regular runs to Tattoine, where Chewie could pass messages between Kenobi and Organa. When R2's urgent message came through only days before, the only way for Chewie to get back to Tattoine in time was to make the "mistake" that forced Han to dump his cargo to avoid capture. As a down side, this led to Solo's getting a death mark out on him from Jabba the Hutt. Chewie was a bit upset about the need for that but figured they weren't going to be dealing with Tattoine for much longer.

En route to Alderaan, R2 and Chewie play stop-motion chess. This is the latest in a series of games they've played over the year in the back rooms of space stations and cantinas across the galaxy, but this is the first time they've done it in front of their respective straight men, so they put on a big show.

Then it all goes wrong again. Alderaan is gone and the Falcon is caught and brought aboard the Death Star. Only Han, Luke and 3PO don't know just how much trouble they're in but Obi-Wan has a plan and seems confident (but Jedi always do). Soon afterwards, R2 finds Leia in the detention cells and shouts that they have to rescue her, to which Chewie can only agree. If Vader learns he has a daughter, then they're all in deep trouble, so Chewie does his bit to persuade Han to go along with Luke's plan.

Then, on the verge of escape, Vader himself turns up only yards from both of his children, one of whom is leaking Force all over the place. Obi-Wan stages a distraction by letting himself die and go into the Force while the others escape. At this point, Chewie suddenly realises that he's been left in charge, not only of the Death Star Plans and the survival of the Rebellion but of the secret son and daughter of Darth Vader. With the Organas and Kenobi all dead, only Chewie, R2 and Yoda know who Luke and Leia are. And only Ob-Wan knew where Yoda has been hiding. Chewie is stressed out by the responsibility and R2 (who keeps making crude jokes about the whole affair) is being no help at all.

Chewie's first problem is what is happening between Luke and Leia. With a psychic link they can feel but don't understand, thrown together in a life-or-death escape, they are looking at each other with a sparky intensity that Chewie gradually recognises as Romantic Tension. He's no expert on human relationships but Chewie is fairly sure that that's Wrong, so he does the only thing he can under the circumstances - he throws Han at her. Han is at first not interested but after a while starts to warm to the idea with an intensity that gives Chewie new worries.

When they reach Yavin, Han decides to take the money and run and Chewie decides to go with him. Looked at in cold light, it's for the good of the Rebellion. Even if Yavin is destroyed, there'll be one agent who knows what's going on who can try and put something back together, but he doesn't feel good about it. When Han decides to turn around and join the attack, Chewie is all for it.

Han and Luke get medals but Chewie doesn't. Actually, Leia offers him one but Chewie turns it down. He got one of those things from Yoda about 20 years ago, but there's no way he can tell her that.

As the film ends, the three founders of the Rebellion are all gone. Bail Organa is dead, Yoda is out of contact and Obi-Wan's ghost can only talk to other Jedi. (So that would be Yoda then.) Thus, the field leadership of the rebellion has just been turned over to the daughter of Darth Vader. Chewie is really hoping that someone with an official rank greater than hers will get here real soon before he has to think really seriously about option C.

© Keith Martin 2005

well, the lord came to me in the form of a pop-tart and told me that he was sending me his "tool". after assuring him i had no desire to handle his tool, he pointed out that i would be saving a great many people. he then told me that i would be the keeper of god's furnace-- see, the devil exists in all forms of printed money, and the only way to rid the world of his evil is to burn that money. thing is, if you burn it on a regular fire, the devil just flies off, or sometimes, he flies into you! with the furnace, i can capture the devil when he is released, therefor, money can ONLY be burned in MY furnace. i beg all of you to send me your money. please. for your OWN good. i am a servant of god and i am willing to RISK my soul for YOU. just please, send me all your cash. do it . today. it is the lord's will. i promised god i would devote myself to getting your money.

trust me.

Do you know the difference between a priest and acne?



Acne doen't come on your face until you are 13...

Today we’re going to take a look at a piece of automotive equipment that most people don’t give much thought to unless you’re blinded by them or forget to turn them on and get a freakin’ ticket. Headlights have been around for longer than automobiles (carriages used lights that were basically lanterns), but the vast increase in speed afforded by the auto meant that old technologies just wouldn’t cut it in the new order of things. Join us to explore how the headlight evolved into the high-tech device we know today.

Carbide (Acetylene) Lamps: 1880s to about 1900

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Carbide lamp showing flame and reflector.

The earliest headlight technology was essentially a lantern with a reflecting mirror. This focused the light source though an opening in the lantern, but because there were no effective headlight lenses at this time, the beam was fairly unfocused and there was significant scattering of the light upwards as glare. This, combined with the low-candlepower light sources of the time, meant that they were a weak, low-speed-only means of illumination – unfocused and with poor range. Plus, a good gust of wind or a wayward splash of water could snuff the flame. The fuel was usually oil, or the more weather-resistant acetylene. Acetylene lamps were also known as carbide lamps, and had been developed for mining. Gas was produced by dripping water on calcium carbide, which produced the acetylene gas, which was then burnt in the lamp. However, the flame was sooty and the byproduct was caustic lime, a toxic substance that had to be disposed of. An improvement was badly needed …

Early Electric Lights: 1898

A Columbia Electric." title="columbia electric" class="size-large wp-image-24953" width="500" height="415">

A Columbia Electric.

In the early days, when gasoline-powered cars were loud, dirty, and dangerous to start (before electric starters, the starter crank definitely could break your arm if you did it wrong), electric cars actually outsold them. So it’s probably no surprise that the first electric headlights debuted on an electric car, a Columbia. They weren’t necessarily an improvement right off the bat: they had weak tungsten filaments that often broke on the rough roads of the time. Soon they were adopted by gas vehicles, but at that point all gasoline-powered vehicles used dynamos rather than the alternators we know of today, and basically they produced a lot less electricity. The bottom line is that these headlights were dim and broke easily, and probably most importantly, still didn’t have a lens to focus their light. That innovation would come soon after.

Lens-Focused Headlight: the Corning Conaphore, ~1910s

The Corning glass company of Corning, NY, debuted their revolutionary Conaphore headlight in the 1910s. Borrowing a page from lighthouses and other lens-focused light apparatus, the Conaphore was the first modern headlamp (other than an early attempt by Hella to use a lens technology on an acetylene headlight) because it used the lens to direct light from an electric bulb down and out in front of the car, allowing more of the available candlepower to illuminate the road. It was billed as a major safety innovation, eliminating accident-causing glare and increasing headlight range. How effective was it? It’s hard to say how it would compare to a modern headlight, but it was leaps and bounds above anything at the time. It was also the direct ancestor of all modern automotive lighting.

Hi/Low Beams: 1915-1917

1917 Cadillac." title="1917 cadillac hi-low" class="size-large wp-image-24950" width="500" height="385">

1917 Cadillac.

The next innovation was in the same vein as the Conaphore: a way to better direct light down to the road and away from other drivers’ eyes. The solution this time was a “dipping” light – a headlight that was physically moved to change the angle of the beam downwards. This reduced the range but also lowered the beam enough to not blind oncoming traffic. The first system, developed by the Guide Lamp Company in 1915, required the driver to physically get out of the car to set the lights to “low” beam. Cadillac improved on the system in 1917 with a lever in the car that did the same thing.

Two-Filament Hi/Low Beams: 1924 Bilux

This system represented the hi/low beam setup we know today: two filaments in the same lamp, where the lamp stays in the same position physically and the switch merely affects the light’s output (wattage). This lead to the dimmer switch, initially a foot-operated one, but eventually the stalk-actuated dimmer that we’re most familiar with today.

Sealed Beam: 1940-1983

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Chevrolet Impala showing quad sealed beam setup.

Anyone who’s worked on an American-market car from 1940 until the early 1990s knows about these guys. Much like a household flood light bulb, these one-piece lights combined the filament, reflector, housing, and lens, meaning that when it burned out, the whole thing needed replacement. They improved reliability somewhat because there was no way foreign matter could find its way into the lamp, possibly causing hot spots and early burnout, but mostly they were a method for the US government to ensure that all cars were using the same government-approved lights. Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standard 108 required that all cars use a system of two 7″ round sealed beam headlight until 1970, when the Feds allowed rectangular headlights to sprout from some lucky vehicle fascias … mostly trucks. The big change happened in 1983, when composite headlights were allowed (but not required) to be utilized. It would be a few years before sealed beams would be phased out in almost all applications.

Composite Headlights: 1983-Present

The famous Taurus composite headlights." title="taurus composite lites" class="size-large wp-image-24960" width="500" height="375">

The famous Taurus composite headlights.

As noted above, headlight options were limited for US-market cars, but in Europe there was all sorts of strangeness abounding. Glass-covered headlights, such as on the Jaguar E-type and the Citroen DS were common across the pond but taboo in the states. Then in 1983, Standard 108 was amended to allow what were called composite headlights. Instead of replacing the whole unit, all you had to do with a composite system was remove the bulb – the housing, lens, and reflectors were all permanent. The first US market car to sport such a headlight assembly was the 1984 Lincoln Continental Mark VII, recently restyled as part of the first wave of “aero-” or “jellybean-designed” cars that you probably can best visualize in the first-generation Ford Taurus. This allowed all sorts of unique front end designs to promulgate, and became the standard headlight type that you’re probably most familiar with.

Pop-Up Headlights: 1936-2004

Mazda Miata showing pop-ups (with 7 inch sealed beam lights)" title="pop up miata" class="size-large wp-image-24963" width="500" height="332">

Mazda Miata showing pop-ups (with 7 inch sealed beam lights)

Starting with the ‘36 Cord and ending only in 2004, when the Corvette was last produced with pop-up lights, this feature allowed for smooth, aerodynamic front ends and kept the lights clean when retracted. Of course, it added complexity and weight, needing motors or linkages to raise and lower the lights. In the 1960s, some cars were “required” to have them in order to meet US minimum-height laws for headlights. A majority of the reason that these lights have become less common is that European pedestrian safety regulations have rightly pegged a popped-up headlight as a hazard, and thus manufacturers have shied away from using them.

Halogen Bulbs

These could be more accurately called tungsten-halogen bulbs. As mentioned above, early electric headlights used tungsten filaments in a vacuum, which due to the properties of tungsten left the inside of the bulb blackened with residue. It was also not very efficient, needing a lot of power for a small amount of light. Enter then halogen lamp. Halogen is not a gas, it’s actually a group of gasses like chlorine and iodine. By combining a bit of one of these gasses with an inert filler gas, you can get a tungsten element to burn brighter with less energy … what’s not to like? Most modern headlights use halogen bulbs.

Projector Lens Headlights

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Domed lens of a projector light visible on a Subaru Impreza.

Also known as polyellipsoidal lamps, these lights’ first use as the main standard headlight was on the 1986 BMW 7-Series. It places the bulb in the middle of a wine-glass shaped reflector. The light is focused into a convex lens, which then projects the light out into a very specifically defined pattern. A very sharp cutoff is achieved by blocking part of the light with an opaque shield, focusing more of the light down than in traditional lens lights. Some projector headlights switch between low and high beam by moving the shield, allowing for a higher cutoff. These are generally used in higher-end cars, notably BMW, Acura, and Mercedes-Benz.

High-Intensity Discharge (HID) Lights

A Lincoln showing HID lights." title="hid" class="size-large wp-image-24956" width="500" height="333">

A Lincoln showing HID lights.

The most recent revolution in headlight design is the high-intensity discharge, or “xenon,” lights. These are actually metal halide arc lights, which use two tungsten electrodes to arc a powerful electric charge. This charge interacts with the gases inside and vaporizes metal salts present in the bulb, producing a plasma that emits a very intense light. This is in contrast to a normal halogen bulb, which simply uses electricity to heat the filament until it is incandescent, emitting light. Temperatures inside a HID bulb can reach 2000 degrees F. Xenon gas is used the help the lamp warm up quickly and produce light, unlike argon-based arc lamps commonly used as streetlights, which would take far too long to work in an automotive setting. HID lights tend to have a unique color based on the different spectrum of light emitted by this different process; usually, it’s tinged blue. They are used in combination with projector lens headlamp assemblies to produce a very effective light at less power consumption than a normal halogen bulb. However, any contamination like dirt or dead bugs on the lens can cause a great deal of glare to be directed up and towards other motorists, and so care should be taken to keep HID lights clean to avoid blinding other drivers.

The Future: LEDs?

Lexus LS600, first LED headlight car." title="lexus ls" class="size-large wp-image-24969" width="500" height="280">

Lexus LS600, first LED headlight car.

Light-emitting diodes are the next big thing in automotive lighting. While currently expensive, LEDs offer several advantages. One of the most important is that they are low-heat producing, as they don’t heat up an element in order to produce light. However, there is heat produced from the back of the lamp, requiring complex and expensive heat sinks. That also means that in cold weather, you can’t count on an LED headlight to thaw ice or snow off of the headlight like you can with typical halogen or HID setups. They’re also temperature sensitive, giving different light levels at different ambient temperatures. Despite these engineering challenges, they give reasonable performance with lower energy consumption. The Lexus LS was the first auto to employ LED headlights beginning in 2008, although they’ve been used as parking lights, taillights, and turn signals for a while. Will they become the premium headlight technology of the future? Only time will tell.

That’s it! Hope you’ve enjoyed this quick look into something that most people don’t pay much attention to … unless they’re burned out, that is.

Tringbago Humour: The Alphabet

The complete Trinbago Alphabet

The Creole dialect spoken by Tobagonians is a wonderful cosmopolitan mixture of words and expressions from many parts of the world, resulting from Trinidad's rich ethnic mix.

A

Ah - Substitute for 'I'
Allyuh - All of you people. A group
Ax (pron.Ask) - To ask a question
Aye-yah-yie - An expression of anticipation or pain, etc.

B

Bacchanal - Scandal, heavy quarrelling, big party, confusion
Back chat - Insolent response, especially from a child to an adult
Bad eye (cut-eye) - A look of anger, especially when looking from the corner of the eye
Ba-John - A bully or a really tough customer
Bamsee - The rear end, what you sit on
Bam-se Lambe - Rather attractive bamsee
Bol'face - A pushy person, unreasonably demanding
Broughtupsy - Showing that a person was properly brought up, decorum
Buh wait nah - But wait a minute, now hold on/it

C

Callaloo - A thick soup made from dasheen leaves, ochroes, coconut milk, seasoned to taste, invariably includes crab
Calypso - A musical and lyrical comment on any subject, usually composed for, but not limited to, the Carnival season
Calypsonian - One who sings calypsos
Cheups (Steups) - A noise made by sucking your teeth
Chinkee - Very tiny portions of anything
Chupid - Stupid
Chupidee - A foolish person
Coki-eye - Cross-eyed
Commesse - Confusion associated with arguments, gossip and slander
Cuff - Hitting someone or something with a clenched fist
Cyah - Can't

D

Da is you? - Is that you?
Dan-dan - Any sharp looking outfit
Dat good for yuh - Serves you right
Dat - That
Doh - Don't
Dotish - Silly, stupid, foolish and dumb
Dougla - Mixture of East Indians and African parentage
Drevait (dree-vay) - Wayward person who likes to 'knock about'

E

Eh - What did you say?
Eh-eh - No, no way, oh no
Eh-heh - Oh really? I understand. Yes
En'less - Plenty, endless
Ent? - Is that not so? That's true, isn't it?

F

Fall out - To stop speaking with someone or to terminate a friendship
Faddah - Father
Fed up - The state of being bored
Fete - A party, loud music, lots to eat and drink, dancing to wee hours of the morning
Fig - Banana (ripe fig and green fig)
Flim - Film
Founkie (foong-key) - Foul-smelling, stink odour
Fuh true/troot? - Yes that is true. Is that really so?

G

Goin'orf - Someone who appears to be going out of their mind, acting strangely
Gun talk - Fighting words, to threaten verbally
Gyul - Girl

H

Harden -Disobedient
Hototo (hotoetoe) - A very large amount of anything

I

I eh payin' tax fuh mih mout' - I could say anything I want
In ting - To be involved in current activity
Is so? - Is that so?

J

Jeez-an-ages - Used for any reason where an outburst is appropriate
Jook - To stab at anything
Jumbie - Spirit, ghost
Jus' now - In a little while
Jus' so? - Just like that?
Jus' so - Out of the blue, totally unexpected

K

Ketch - Catch
Klim - Any brand of powdered milk

L

Lef dat - Leave that
Leh - Let, let's
Leh go - Let go
Leh we - Let us
Lick dong - To accidentally hit someone or something
Licks - A beating, physical punishment
Like t'ing - To be somewhat mischievous
Lil'bit - In small meaningless portions
Lime - When a small group of people engage in a sometimes pre-arranged activity
Long eye - A person who is envious of the possessions of others
Look nuh! - An expression of annoyance

M

Maco - A person who minds other people's business for the purpose of gossip.
Macocious - A person having the trait of a maco
Maga - Very thin, skinny
Mamaguy - To make fun of, to ridicule
Mama Yo! - Expression denoting shock and surprise
Matter Fix - Everything is well organized
Mih han' slip - An expression used when too much of an ingredient is used
Mooma - Mother
Mout'er - A boaster
Much up - To pamper, to butter up

N

Nah - No
Nastiness - An expression of disgust applied to a good-for-nothing person
Never see come see - Someone who has recently been exposed to something new and who overdoes it to ridiculous proportions
Ning ning - Tired eyes
Now fuh now - Instantly
Nowherian - A person who does not have any fixed place of abode

O

Obzokee - Awkward in appearance, anything bent or twisted out of shape
Oh geed! - An expression used when an offensive smell arises
OH gosh! - Expression denoting shock, surprise indignation and admiration
Oh gorm man! - as above
Oh shimps man! - as above
Ol' talk - Idle chatter, social chit-chat
One set ah - A lot of anything
Own-way - Stubborn person

P

Pallet - Frozen lolly
Papa yo! - Exclamation of surprise
Pesh - Money
Pissin' tail - A person of no class or importance
Planasse - To hit someone continuously with the flat part of a cutlass
Playin' social - Someone who pretends to be of a higher social strata than they are
Pong - Pound
Po-po - Very small child, baby
Prim-prim - Disgustingly proper and formal

Q

Quenk - An irritating person
Qualey - Withered, dried up

R

Raff - To grab suddenly
Ragadang - Broken down
Ram-cram - Packed to capacity
Rumfle - Ruffled or wrinkled

S

Saga boy/girl - Flashy dresser, dandy
Shades - Sunglasses
Shif' yuh carcass - Move over, get going
Shub - Shove, move or cast aside
Skinnin' yuh teet' - Grinning
Skin up yuh nose - To turn up one's nose at anything
Sometimeish - Moody
Strims - Shrimps
Sweetie - Any confectionary
Swell up yuh face - To look angry, to pout

T

Tabanca - The forlorn feeling one gets when a love affair is over
Tanty - Aunt
Tight - Intoxicated, drunk, stoned
T'ing - Thing
To besides - Besides which
Too-tool-bay - A confused state, in a daze, also head over heels in love
Tot tots - Female breasts

U

Umpteen - Plenty of anything

V

Vampin' - An offensive smell
Vaps - To suddenly behave excitedly or in a strange manner

W

Wajang - A rowdy, uncouth person
Warap - A very weak mixture
Well yes! - An expression of disbelief
Whappen? - What's the matter with you?
Wha-happenin' dey? - What's happening
Whey - Where
Whey yuh say? - What did you say?

Y

Yampee - Mucus, found in the corner of the eye
You an' all? - You too?
You so - People like you
Yuh faddah head - An expression of annoyance
Yuh faddah is a glassmaker? - You are blocking my view
Yuh look fuh dat - It's your own fault
Yuh makin' joke! - You can't be serious!

Z

Zug-up - A rough and uneven cutting of anything
If more than three of these words are not familiar to you
YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT A TRUE TOBAGONIAN!

Here are some definitions of RICE


Law#1-Pronounce N.O.S. as one word (NAWS).
Law#2-When you are outpowered, call people out with your friends car.
Law#3-Have an aftermarket body kit installed (Lips not included).
Law#4-Use neon or L.E.D to light up your car.
Law#5-Use an aftermarket tachometer...when your car already has a working stock tachometer in it.
Law#6-You must install a non-functional wing/spoiler on the back of your car.
Law#7-Names of performance parts on your car that you dont have.
Law#8-Claim to beat cars that your car is totally uncapable of beating.
Law#9-Magazine race.
Law#10-Install racing seats on a car that runs a 14 second or slower quarter mile.
Law#11-Listing stereo equiptment or any visual mod when listing all your performance mods.
Law#12-Believe that Honda invented VTEC.
Law#13-Putting sub-brand labels on your car...example:Honda emblems on an Acura, Audi on a VW..ect.
Law#14-Install an aftermarket duel-exhaust on a 4-cylinder.
Law#15-Make your exhaust sound like a lawn-mower.
Law#16-Buy a nitrous system just to purge.
Law#17-Using car donughts and calling them "skinnies".
Law#18-Mounting smaller tires to decrease gear ratio.
Law#19-Multi collored body panels.
Law#20-Claiming horse power and quarter mile times with out testing or proof.
Law#21-Talk about how fast your car will be once you buy and install all the parts.
Law#22-performing the ricer flyby
Law#23-fliping your hazard lights,during/after a loss or during a flyby
Law#24-subscribing to super street/sportcompact car
Law#25-boasting about your interior/power windows/sporty looks
Law#26-Say you lost because your car is running on a ****ty tune and needs to be tuned.......... when you're on the stock computer...
Law#27-rev @ every car on the road that will eat you(no matter what direction they are going)
Law#28-if some challenges you 2 a race you have 2 options
a.race and when you lose go to ws and lie your butt off
b.tell em they are a waste of time
Law#29-my clutch is slipping,
Law#30-If lose i missed a gear,
Law#31-or my vtec was set to low,
Law#32-when the vinyl work is worth more than the car,
Law#33-also calling the skinnies here is known as dookies,
Law#34-when someone does a neutral drop in an automatic,
Law#35-bouncing off the revlimiter more than once
Law#36-I started in 2nd intstead of 1st
Law#37-My shift light went off late
Law#38-I didnt catch posi trac on that one
Law#39-My shift nob came off (srt humor)
Law#40-Did you know green meant GO!
Law#41-My vtec juice light was flashing
Law#42-my trunk was weighed down from my 12s
Law#43-my strut bar snapped
Law#44-my neonlight valve stem covers are robbing hp
Law#45-I didnt double clutch like i should have
Law#46-If I didnt blow the welds on the intake i sure poop my pants on that one
Law#47-If the wing is bigger than the blechers at your local high school
Law#48-When the exhaust consist of coat hangers and jb weld
Law#49-Yeah its got about 5000 dollars invested in it ( and it looks like poop)
Law#50-Its a prototype that no one has (built from duct tape and blue glue and pvc piping)
Law#51-driving in and out of traffic with your vtak thinking you have a fast car
Law#52-Getting your #s from a g-tech or some other similar meter.
Law#53-using chicken wire as a mesh grill
Law#54-Remove your hubcaps and paint yer steelies to match the car
Law#55-Account at pepboys
Law#56-own both F+F and have ticket reserved for the third
Law#57-Cutting your factory springs to lower your car
Law#58-Having gauges that do not work
Law#59-When one car in the whole world runs 10s and you think your car is faster.
Law#60-Having a body kit and no plans on painting it
Law#61-When you double side tape parts to the car and expect them to hold up at 100 mph
Law#62-"Yeah its VTEC, but its not hooked up yet"
Law#63-When you consider primer as a color choice
Law#64-When you tell people it has a 9000 rpm redline and can only turn 6700
Law#65-58 if your name is Goki
Law#66-z3 fender flares on an import
Law#67-if you talk about owning a skyline someday and you drive a civic
Law#68-having windshield washer squirters with lights in them
Law#69-Cutting your factory springs to lower your car
Law#70-You refer as everything being JDM
Law#71-someone asks you if you have a turbo and you reply "not YET!"
Law#72-Tell people you are running nitrous,when its really N.O.S. octane booster.
Law#73-when you drive around some highschool parking lot 3 hours after schools out trying to pick up chicks
Law#74-taking your 50whp civic to a dyno when it's stock
Law#75-When you manually shift an automatic
Law#76-Going to the dragstrip with slicks and running a 16.05 in the 1/8
Law#77-When you drive around months at a time with spare tires on the front and custom rims in the back.
Law#78-All you do is brag about how much of a street racer you are
Law#79-Asking about staggared fitment rims on a FWD car.
Law#80-When your car consist of a GTR badge on the car and is not a skyline
Law#81-Its got a rotary motor in it and you drive a mustang
Law#82-you claim your car is fast then get butthurt so you claim your car is an autoX car.
Law#83-you post pics of your parents car and claim it for you own
Law#84-when you compare your $35k car to a $20k car
Law#85-List motor oil as a mod
Law#86-When your car has more torque in the lug nuts than in the motor
Law#87-list winshield wipers as a mod and carbon fiber pedals
Law#88-When your car has more than one squash air freshner in it
Law#89-When you transform your car into something else with a headlight swap and taillight swap
Law#90-When someone ask you if its mandrel bent or crush piping and you have no answer
Law#91-When you stick the rim and tire out further than the fenders and you use curb feelers to keep from messing them up.
Law#92-when your body kit is held on by sheet rock screws and thumb tacks
Law#93-If you "fat arm" out the window with a sideways cap.
Law#94-If you are 5'2 and you drive in the back seat
Law#95-when you have more switches than a hydralic car and have no hydralics
Law#96-If you have to beg your parents to drive the civic
Law#97-when you de-badge your GST ecplise of LX civic because its the suck model
Law#98-windshield sticker saying powered by....(127 @the crank yeah thats power)
Law#99-When one car in the whole world runs 10s and you think your car is fast.
Law#100-when your sn is qwerty
Law#101-You remove every piece of your interior and you still run 15's
Law#102-you have diamond plate floormats
Law#103-you have a racing harness on your stock civic lx seat
Law#104-you make your own intake out of pvc pipe
Law#105-you know what jdm means
Law#106-you have hubcaps that resemble rims
Law#107-you drive any korean car and "mod" it
Law#108-if you have an AEM license plate frame
Law#109-if you put 18, 19, or 20" rims on a sport compact.
Law#110-Japanese writing on a domestic car
Law#111-Put racing gas in ur stock civic lx
Law#112-If you spraypaint your interior
Law#113-if you don't make fun of ricers
Law#114-If you are getting angry while reading this list
Law#115-the local tow truck service is on speed dial
Law#116-the local performance shop is on speed dial
Law#117-someone yells got rice and your mom pulls up in the catering truck
Law#118-your in the performance shop to look @ @!#$ you cant buy untill payday..and it never comes
Law#119-put lambo doors on
Law#120-You join CLUBRSX , not to goof on them, but because you actually think they are fast
Law#121-Calling your flat, bald street tires "Slicks"
Law#123-you drive in 1st gear 90% of the time so you can hear the vtec whine
Law#124-If you buy an srt design
Law#125-you have a bumper sticker that says drive it like you stole it
Law#126-your keychain says aem/tanabe/greddy/typeR/si/mugen/....
Law#127-you play nfsu2 everyday
Law#128-you try to spell as many words linked to honda with your alphabets cereal
Law#129-You treat your nfsu2 car like its a real car
Law#130-Type-R
Law#131-I will own you in the twisties
Law#132-You have a V6 camaro/mustang and spend enough money to buy a V8 just to make people think it's a V8.
Law#133-You've ever swung in behind a car (at 50 mph) in an attempt to draft.
Law#134-When you lose you say "But your car has 4 more cylinders"
Law#135-when you lose you say "Imagine if Honda made an engine as big as yours, because my 4 cylindler has 100 HP/Liter!"
Law#136-You think you stand a chance against all Mustangs and Camaro's because they are heavy
Law#137-You have a Vin Diesel poster
Law#138-You buy a civic, add a cold air intake and cat back exhaust, add 200 lbs of stereo equipment and brag about how much faster it is than when it was stock.
Law#139-You try explaining why vtec is better than a turbo charger
Law#140-You have to let the passengers know when you're flooring it (Thanks, Broken )
Law#141-If you know you can't win, you dump the clutch at 8,000 RPM's and say you couldn't hook up, but at least you looked cool
Law#142-The only 2 exotic cars you can name are Supra and Skyline.
Law#143-You think taking 200 lbs off your car will make up for being 200 HP underpowered in comparison to your opponent.
Law#144-You put slicks on your car and only agree to race in the rain, just so you have an excuse.
Law#145-If you tell the story of how your friend has such a fast car, he put a $10 bill on the dash, floored it, and you couldn't reach it on the dash because you were too pinned in your seat.
Law#146-When you claim to race a stock automatic cobra.
Law#147-When your cardomain site has a 'future mods' list.
Law#148-When you have 12 inch deep dish rims.
Law#149-When you can shoot a grapefruit from your exhaust tip
Law#150-LED exhaust tips.

God doesn't walk through the room that often, but you can bet at a U2 show...He's there.