FANATICS: they're easy to manipulate, but take everything 5 steps too far.

the ecstasy of agony

the abstinent run away from what they desire, but they carry their desires with them.

suffering is the fuel in the engigne of civilization.

DEMOCRACY: a system of government in which ruling power is given to whoever is most skillful at directing the herd instincts of the largess massesof their most ignorant citizen.

pain is itself a god. the taskmaster of life. pain cracks the whip, and all that lives will move.

Christmas is so close now and i'm once again remembering the christmas of '94. we were together then. it's been the only christmas that i didn't spend alone. i miss her terribly.

Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to you
We always tried to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put you through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for you
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

I pray you learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in your hearts for two

Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give

PRECIOUS: depeche mode

murderous rage
anger, anger, anger
so much uncontrollable anger.
it's a constant battle to keep it down.
hiding it where no one can see.
like 2 people living inside me.

31 today.

Outside in the hall there’s a catfight
It’s well after midnight
I guess I’ll be allright
I’m laid out on the floor
Drunk and ppor
How much longer how much more

Rock me to sleep
Strong & deep.
The screaming cats they give me the creep
But aside from all that I feel no pain
Staring up at the ceiling stains
...neon in the window
...sirens far away
...news on the radio happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

They’re at it again next door
This whole floor I swear
They’re out to drive me crazy
Not right now I’m high as a cloud I’m soft and gray and lazy
...neon in the window
...sirens far away
...news on the radio happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday

Fly me
Out the window.
Somewhere far away
Singing on the radio

---------------Happy birthday: CONCRETE BLONDE.--------------------

Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way
To share with me this special day
Where a ribbon’s in the sky for our love

If allowed may I touch your hand
And if pleased may I once again
So that you too will understand
There’s a ribbon in the sky for our love

too much despair. it's becomimg so overwhelmimg it's hard to breathe or even stand up. is this what mary felt like? is this why she took her life? was she so beaten down by her own pain, that she couldn't bare to live? i wonder how long did she suffer before she finally gave in?
my strenght is slipping away.

My life suffocates
Planting seeds of hate
I’ve loved, turned to hate
Trapped far beyond my fate

I give
You take
This life that I forsake
Been cheated of my youth
You turned this lie to truth

Anger
Misery
You’ll suffer unto me

Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow

Pure black looking clear
My work is done soon here
Try getting back to me
Get back which used to be

Drink up
Shoot in
Let the beatings begin
Distributor of pain
Your loss becomes my gain

Anger
Misery
You’ll suffer unto me

Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow

All have said their prayers
Invade their nightmares
See into my eyes
You’ll find where murder lies

Infanticide

Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow
Language of the mad
Harvester of sorrow

Harvester of Sorrow:Metallica

L told me she's leaving at the end of the year to go back to SF. i will miss her, nothing new about that. somehow i get the feeling either this is the last time i will ever see her or it will a very long time before i see her again. how could one person have such a hold on me? did i allow it too happen or was it totally out of my hands? my heart has been bonded to her since we were children. no one and nothing has ever taken her place. damn, am i going to be linked to her forever? will i be a slave to my heart always?

To the soul's desires
The body listens
What the flesh requires
Keeps the heart imprisoned

What the spirit seeks
The mind will follow
When the body speaks
All else is hollow

I'm just an angel
Driving blindly
Through this world

I'm just a slave here
At the mercy
Of a girl

Oh I need your tenderness
Oh I need your touch
Oh I dream of one caress
Oh I pray too much

To the soul's desires
The body listens
What the flesh requires
Keeps the heart imprisoned

What the spirit seeks
The mind will follow
When the body speaks
All else is hollow

You keep me waiting
For the promise
That is mine

Please stop debating
Please stop wasting
Your time

Oh I need your tenderness
Oh I need your touch
Oh I dream of one caress
Oh I pray too much

DEPECHE MODE - "When The Body Speaks"

I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight

Love has made me a fool
Set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
But you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
that dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning in this desert without you

how come i don't have anyone? i thought by now i would be married, have a few kids. not sitting in this damned house alone. if this is my future, then i don't want to see the rest of it.

death would be welcomed to this misery.