i'm writing this because i have no other way off "expressing' what i feel, no one to talk to. no one who will understand. today 2 of my friends had their 3rd baby. a little girl. i was there at the hopital for a little while, but left. had to leave because i kept having all these visions of what it would be like for me be there with my wife. and then the reality of the fact that i will never be there squezzes my heart so tightly.
i'm so alone in this world. never had anyone love me, not even for a moment. it seems i'm doomed to spend my life being the living embodiment of the thing called "envy". always jealous of others for what they have, that i can't. so angry that i can't stand to be in the company of people.